Diwa...what now?

What does Diwali mean to you? For me, it's just another normal day. It's been this way for several years now. If it weren't for Facebook and email wishes, I'd probably not even know it has passed me by. I'm not saying it as a sad thing though. Just a thing. I'm quite OK with it. But I know that growing up, it was probably my favorite festival of all. At that time it meant - lots of great food and home made snacks, new clothes, massive house cleaning, "oil" baths, festive atmosphere, fire crackers galore and time off from school. I got to hang out with family and friends and burst fire crackers with them, while enjoying all the amazing food. Sometimes relatives from other cities would come visit. That was one day I didn't mind waking up at insane hours of the morning.

It seems as though Diwali has lost its excitement and meaning for me over the years. I could possibly attribute it to having a continent or two between what I now call home and what used to be my home then. But I see so many of my Indian friends and relatives still as excited about it as they were back in India, keeping up the traditions. So it's probably not that. Why this indifference? I can't help but wonder....

Maybe it will change if I have kids. I have fond childhood memories of celebrating the various Indian festivals. Maybe I will want my kid to have those experiences as well. Don't know. I've always been flowy like water though, enjoying every place I've moved to (and I've moved a lot) in its own way. Or could it really be that I have to be at least a tad religious to get excited about it? After all, these traditions are rooted in the religion. I've always been interested in the philosophy and stories behind the pujas but not in actually doing the pujas myself. I don't see the point of doing a puja without passionately believing in it. Hmm.... 

At the most, we go to a Diwali party thrown here every year by someone we know. But it could be any party with the same people and I would have just as much of a good time. Just that we're all dressed up in pretty Indian clothes and collectively make good food. Why am I nonchalant about it while everyone else is crazy excited and out planning their Diwalis? Why am I completely fine with being a spectator to other people's celebrations? I know my Mom would probably love for me to be more traditional about these things. But I cannot fake excitement for something that does not come from within. 

What does Diwali mean to you? And why do you celebrate it (if you do)? If not, I'm curious... why not?

10/25/11


Wanted to add a couple more thoughts. Perhaps it is the lack of the festive Diwali atmosphere that makes me feel this way. I'm certain that if I were in India, I'd be celebrating it and having fun too. After all, aren't most festivals at the root of it a social thing? What matters most is being around the people you love and having a good time, isn't it? The festive holiday atmosphere here during Christmas definitely gets me excited. I love seeing the decorations and lights everywhere and hanging out with good friends. I also had fun at Navrathri this year doing the "golu rounds".  Maybe I should just do something this Diwali, if only for the fun.